SMART is the new GANGSTA....

maybe.....

2012-02-15T15:20:00.000-06:00

maybe if this site looked better i'd feel like actually visiting it more and therefore actually updating...... with all of my nerd genes, web design was just something i never got into.... maybe i should look into it..... or find someone who's good at it to do something with this shit....

Hey man, where'd THIS site come from?

2012-02-15T04:47:00.000-06:00

yeah.... i kinda forgot it existed my damn self. it's here though. maybe i'll make more use of it in 2012. possibly. we all shall see, over time. i'm gonna try though. have been thinking i need to disconnect myself in other places (mostly Twitter), so maybe i'll find myself HERE spilling these thoughts instead of on the timeline, where my ADD is free to distract me from whatever original thoughts i have. let's find out together, ok?

It's ME..... in someone else's words kinda.

2012-02-15T04:43:00.000-06:00

I dunno. just saw a link to this somewhere and gave it a try. it kinda fit for the most part. were other parts that weren't as applicable to me, so i didn't even post those. it's my blog, i do what i want.

You entered: Myron Derant Williams

There are 19 letters in your name.
Those 19 letters total to 92
There are 6 vowels and 13 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:

Hebrew	Male	Holy place.
Greek	Male	Perfumed oil.
Aramaic	Male	Myrrh; sweet oil.
Arabic	Male	Myrrh; sweet oil.

Your number is: 11
The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.
The expression or destiny for #11:
Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.
The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.
The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.

Nobody cares, b....

2011-03-31T21:00:00.003-05:00

I imagine it becomes infinitely easier to deal with whatever arises in one's life once they've arrived at that conclusion. Maybe I'm finally headed in the right direction.

It's likely a consequence of my own personality - outwardly, i'm nonchalantly positive toward just about everything - which only serves to belie the fact that inside, i'm a boiling pot, mind astir with eleventy million thoughts as to all the possible outcomes of whatever situation is at hand. I guess that would make it difficult for others to generate genuine empathy when it's me in turmoil.

Quite disturbing though, to realize how empty some 'call me if you need anything' invitations truly are. Luckily for my own sanity though, i'm beginning to see the facades for what they are. People ask if you're OK and then ask for a favor in the same breath. ~~Transparent.~~

You never quite expect it though, because a lot of times, it's the people you've shown genuine concern for who turn around and offer those empty invitations, all the while hoping that they don't have to drum up faux concern pretending to care about whatever it is you're going through.

Worse even, are the '1-uppers' as I like to call them. The ones who can't POSSIBLY be actually paying attention to whatever it is you're stressed about, because immediately after you finish, they have a story of their own to show how much worse off they are than you. Helpful? Not in the least. Sure I know there's always someone doing worse than me, but that doesn't help me when i'm dealing with something that's serious to me.

All in all, i say this to say, appreciate the people who genuinely do show you they care and are legitimately there to help in whatever way possible, because THOSE people come few and far in between.

For the most part....... #NobodyCaresB

Elephant in the china cabinet? A bull in your room? some shit.....

2010-12-06T17:59:00.001-06:00

My greatest realizations of self come from the most unexpected of places. My mind works off of so many tangents that the slightest of events can lead me into the deepest of self-discoveries. With that said, i've had one of those. Sometime between around 2am and noon today.

Have you ever engaged in a pattern of behavior for so long that you don't realize how wrong it is until it's placed right at your feet to the point that you can't ignore it any longer? Apparently, i have. Randomly. No specifics though, not until i've isolated the source of the issue and conquered it. Good luck, i guess?

Gotta take it....

2010-10-12T01:42:00.001-05:00

NOTE: This is approximately 3 weeks old at this point, i didnt know whether i wanted to actually post it or not. I never read things like this after i write them before posting, because i tend to edit, to keep from actually allowing too much insight into me, so to speak. A good friend inspired me to go ahead though, allow people an 'in' at times, beyond the surface, so here goes it....

This is coming out raw, so i apologize in advance if it just becomes a jumbled mess of thoughts. About 3am last night was probably the single scariest moment i've experienced in my 25 years of existence. To get a call that your mom isn't doing well, to hold her face in your hands and bore into her eyes with yours, only for her not to respond at all. Your brain explodes into waves of panic, fear, and a deeper more profound sense of sadness blended with utter disappointment: to know that this is that moment. The one that's haunted your dreams for 2 years now, since the first of the three series of strokes she experienced. Makes it no easier. No matter how much you've rearranged your own life and sacrificed, at this particular moment, it just doesn't feel like you've done enough. its your mother you're talking about here. you owe her life, and since youve obviously not given it, you feel like theres more you could have done. Three million thoughts run through your head rapidly as the entire world around you slows to a crawl. It's evocative of a scene from a movie, a brisk walk through the sliding emergency room doors, as you stare intently into your mother's lifeless eyes, praying to whomever you pray that her 'spark' reappears, that her eyes find yours. all to no avail. The next few minutes are a blur - nominated by my family to give the information at the desk, the whole time distracted by trying to watch as they get her situated within an ER room. Walking back into the room again, she's responsive again, and her locking eyes with me does TONS for relieving the thousands of pounds of stress from my shoulders. She's alert again, and holding conversation. The world moves back to normal for a moment....

The whole thing sent me into a tailspin, and put me back into deep thought again. I think i've devoted too much time to things of little real importance. I think i've tried to be too much to too many people, a large percentage of those who can't reciprocate such gestures. My tendency at times like this is to retreat. I want to run, i want to hide, shut the world out. But i cant be that guy. Too much at stake. There's too much i have to do. Apparently a bullet was dodged THIS time, outside of the initial shock and fear, it wasnt too serious. But one day, one night that call will really come, and itll be my entire world crashing down on my head. It will be the world around me crumbling at my feet. It will be everything ive ever known evaporating into the night. She has to be comfortable though. Everything that she's sacrificed over all these years to make sure i was ok, i want her to have as much as possible of it back. Tenfold. None of it can be in vain. If i have a thousand things on my plate right now, time to make it 3. She always tells me she's proud of me, but i want that to be x100. I want her to see my success that she's responsible for before......... its still hard to accept that there's something there beyond those ellipses.....

The elusive green button....

2010-06-30T16:23:00.000-05:00

So I came to this realization sometime after 3 in the morning, deep into an episode of Numb3rs: I'm a gadget head. Especially phones. I love the thrill of opening a new phone and learning its feature set inside and out until points of reference in different operating systems become mere folders in a file cabinet in my mind. I can tell you how to wipe a phone, install a ROM, install an OS, sideload apps, whatever it is one would want to do with his or her $200 or more investment - I can do it. So easily that it's almost become second nature. With that said, I look so far into the depths of a mobile device that I overlook the most basic of features - pressing that green button and letting someone know they crossed my mind.

This isn't exactly uncharted territory, as I've explored this truth before on this very site, but maybe it needed to be revisited and expanded upon as I browse gadget-head sites, scouting out my next phone purchase (that Samsung Captivate [pictured above] WILL be my next pickup). Lol, its kinda funny to me that such a thought crosses my mind, inspiring me to write right at the halfway point of the year. My phone bill every month usually looks like something to the tune of 2000 texts or so, a couple hundred MB of data used, along with only 2-300 minutes of actual call time - most of those being work/business-related calls. If there was a way to monitor BBM messages, i'm sure the numbers on those would be high as well.

Yesterday someone was thinking of ME, and called me, and we stayed on the phone for an hour or so.... it was cool. It made me realize that there are people who really like me, who i've probably deprived of such a feeling. You can spend so much time tweeting, or texting, or BBMing, that it becomes easy to forget the significance of picking up the phone and letting someone hear you say "hey you crossed my mind today, I figured I would call and see how you been" - that can mean so much more than some words on a screen sometimes. A lot of the people I really care about probably assume I couldn't care less, or that they're never thought about, which is totally untrue, the people who really mean most to me never stray far away from my consciousness - its just that that it's never shown. I spend so much time being considerate of everyone else's time that I start to believe that I'll be intruding on the flow of their day, so I stay away, which is the worst of decisions, but such is the way that my mind works.

So right at half a year later, I'm going to revisit my 'New Year's resolution' and make even better strides toward keeping contact with those who matter. I also plan on making a more conscious effort to keep this blog of mine updated more often. One entry every 4-5 months is probably insufficient, so stay tuned.....

A letter....

2010-06-20T08:32:00.001-05:00

I really don't even know what possessed me to write this. This isn't something I do. We'll just see where this goes. There's a lot that's never been said. You'll just have to bear with me and how disjointed this might come off, but I'm just in my thoughts, and this is how they flow.

Sometimes I wonder what I'd have been like, or what I would've become had you been around more. I wonder about the lessons I missed or the personality traits that I would've been able to control and be more aware of.

I remember a lot. I remember you coming to stay with us for a couple days for my birthday when I was like 10 or 11. I remember you and Mike going in his room and closing the door to talk about something, then him charging out of the room in a fury, punching a hole in the wall in the process. It was like some of the stuff you see on dramatic ass episodes of sitcoms, but that was all the way real. I still don't know what happened there, no one will tell me, though I picked up a vague story through eavesdropping and my own inferences. He has your temper though, I picked it up too. Downright explosive at times, but I learned to control it over time. You did too, so I learned, but I wish you'd been there to show me a long time ago, could've saved me a lot of time, and wasted energy, and fights and scars and bruises.

I remember you asking me if I ever wondered why my half-brother was only 6 weeks older than me. I understood the basics well enough, but I didn't know if I was ready for the weight of the answer at the time – I was only 11! I said no, I never wondered – you probably knew better though – I've always been extra curious about everything. You told me when I DID wonder, to ask you – you'd explain. Once I was older, before you went down – I used to HOPE you'd ask me that question, because I didn't know how to broach the topic – I think I was ready for the answer at that point though. Never came up again though. Sometimes you just want confirmation of what you already know.

I remember when you were first diagnosed with diabetes. I was 13. It must have scared you though, to write me that letter you wrote. It scared the hell out of me too – enough for my mom, aunts, everyone to be mad at you for a WHILE – telling a 13-year-old to be prepared for the day you die soon probably isn't the best idea, and I'm sure you probably realized that later in hindsight. I understand it now though – that expressive quality, I got that from you too, I just keep it in a little better than you were able to. The diabetic coma that later took your life, coupled with Mama's strokes did MUCH to make me more conscious of my own health - albeit a lot later than it should have. Still nowhere near where I want to be weight-wise today, but I'm a lot healthier in my approach, and I'm much more proactive about it than i had been in the past few years once football and everything else was gone.

I remember the two weeks I stayed with you after graduation. Was THAT a disaster or what? We bumped heads CONSTANTLY, all because for the most part, we're just alike - aside from your neat-freak, near-OCD demeanor. In hindsightn, I DID learn a lot more about you than I knew beforehand. Mama came and saved me from that before one of us killed the other lol, because EVERYONE knew that was a catastrophic event waiting to happen.

Think I picked up your charm along the way too. From all I've heard about your younger days, you were QUITE the charmer amongst the ladies – kinda explains the whole half-brother thing too right? Married my mom, divorced – married my half-brothers' mom, divorced – then married again. That third marriage that I didn't even KNOW about until that time I missed the Greyhound on the way back to N.O. after Thanksgiving vacation in Jena, and you had to pick me up to stay with you for the night way out in the boondocks somewhere. I kinda wonder sometimes though, were you ACTIVELY charming women or just being yourself, which is in itself, charming. Cuz I wonder about MYSELF that way, actually. Sometimes a female says she likes me, and I wonder if I actually charmed her, or if she just likes who I am naturally - then most of the time I push them away because I'm not so sure. Damaging, I'm sure, but its just one of those things I guess, those missed lessons.

Your grandson - man he's growing up fast. Hard to believe he made 4 years old a couple days ago. It's still an odd juxtaposition of the celebration of his life and your passing 2 days apart every year. He's a handful though, and everyone says he looks more like me than he does big brother lol. Has a lot of my personality also, probably the main reason he's so spoiled by me. He'll do just fine until I have my own - like you were tryna press me to do from the time I was like 19 lol - I'm sure you're glad you got the 2 years with him that you did though.

All in all, I still have those questions - how much different would life had been were you really around in my formative years. To hear and read so much about the things that people deal with as a result of having one parent only - it makes one wonder. I think I came out ok though, and I'm at least thankful for those last 5 years or so of consistent contact we had, and the effort you put forth into maintaining a relationship at that point - made it a lot easier to make peace with your passing. I'm still growing as a man, and I believe if nothing else, your absence for that major chunk of my life made me more headstrong, gave me a better sense of focus, so you pretty much gave me one of my better personality traits in a hands-off manner. Thank you.

Happy Father's Day.

Welcome to tomorrow.....

2009-12-30T18:22:00.001-06:00

2009 has been…. A blur. Seemed like everytime I blinked, the calendar had advanced days, weeks, months in that instant, and now im only an eye-opening away from ’09 being nothing more than a vision in my rearview. At least that is how I plan for it to be, so certain things have to be LEFT in 2009, not carried over into 2010. I want the best of my 2009 to be the WORST of my 2010, and the worst of 2009 to be LONG forgotten in 2010. ~~*UNDERSTAND – this is not a process that just takes place as soon as 11:59pm December 31st, 2009 becomes 12am January 1st, 2010.*~~ Anything I deem a ‘New Year’s resolution’ is not something that I’m jus gonna start working on on 1.1.10, it’s something that I’ve BEEN working on since I determined that it was something that needed work, just that a changing of the year (or actually the decade now) just gives a logistical ‘new beginning’ so to speak. Nothing is gonna CHANGE, I just want to further my own GROWTH. So with that said, I shall break down my own course of action for how my 2010 shall be great….

First thing and most important thing I HAVE to leave in 2009 is my penchant for worrying about things that are beyond my control. I have control freak tendencies at times, so I fret when I don’t know a situation 360 degrees or I cant control it at all. Whether my female situation, the job hunt, or anything else in general, I think its really just added unnecessary stress. I figure if I can stop thinking about the things I can do nothing about, it frees up my mind to focus on actually altering the things that I DO have control over. This will probably be the most difficult one to actually accomplish, the one that I’ll really have to focus on on a day-to-day basis. Just have to learn to let go.

I also have to really get myself back to keeping in contact with people. People that mean the world to me, that I keep close to my heart, still end up feeling neglected in a way, because at times I dont show that to them, whether by a text, or to be less impersonal, a phone call. Sometimes I think the Internet is to blame, simply because a Facebook wall post, a Myspace message, or a Tweet just doesn’t equate with a phone call, or just going to see someone.
I sometimes get caught up in my own thoughts and I start to think that I might be bothering people, so I just won’t say anything at all. =/. There’s also the voice in my head that says “if THEY cared so much, THEY’D call or text !” but then that goes back to my first resolution, I can’t do anything about what THEY do, but if I care then I can make the effort and whatever happens, happens. I missed some moments in the lives of my friends and family because of this, and im determined not to do so in 2010.

Lastly, I plan on LEARNING again. I used to be the person who’d dive into a good book and lose myself in it. I used to sit and watch news until it became too much of a reminder of how in disarray the world is. Somewhere along the power lines to the television and the cellphones and the Internet, I lost that. I allowed superficiality to replace my thirst for knowledge – and in essence, my lust for life. Although in 2010 I plan on being much busier than I’ve been the last couple months, I’m going to make sure to find time to expand my horizons in all capacities. Learning a new language is something that i believe i'll delve into. The famous saying goes, ‘if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it’ and I believe I was blessed with my superior intellect so I plan to harvest and cultivate it, BEFORE I ‘lose it.”

Although there are other goals/resolutions I have for the coming year, Im not sharing them at this point, they will be kept personally, hopefully until I’ve accomplished them all. I’m not making ~~corny slogans and rhymes~~ for how I plan to seize opportunities in 2010; I plan to accomplish my goals and maybe THEN talk about it all. I’ll revisit this in December of 2010, and hopefully revel in the success of completion.

Gears turning.... 2:42am

2009-12-17T06:35:00.002-06:00

~~2:42am~~

Sleep’s nowhere near…. My head is spinning right now, I don’t even know why. “soothing” playlist going right now. Alicia keys ‘unthinkable’… song gives me that feeling in the gut, I know those words, the emotion, yeah. Who the HELL is gonna wanna read this? Better out than in tho, if I laid here thinking, id never sleep.

~~Being smart is a fucking curse.~~ Really. I hate typing in word cuz it auto capitalizes all my shit, that goes against everything I stand for. Im anti-capitalization and punctuation too sometimes. Anyway, yeah, bein smart – not all its cracked up to be (wtf does that even mean?) the dumbest people I know, the people whos IQs would be letters instead of numbers, are the happiest people I know – that CANT be a coincidence. All the most famous geniuses in history were/are disturbed, I can identify with that. I DO have a genius-level IQ, so I guess it makes sense. I’m not crazy, just I cant turn my mind off. Ever. If I could erase some negative thoughts, id be so much happier. Im not a pessimist, just way analytical and too logical sometimes. U know that L-word? The four letter one, not the tv show – it has absolutely ZERO relation to logic and reason. ~~Hello Mind, meet Heart – yall will NEVER agree.~~ If I turned one off, id never ever be in a relationship – if I turned off the other, id probably be in a series of bad ones. Wheres the win in that? Trey songz ‘one love’ – wow. This playlist is on random but it feels like my mind is controlling this shit. Wheres the medium between you know you cant settle all the way down yet, but you wanna claim ur territory almost? Is there one? My ‘before I settle down’ checklist is still lacking a couple checks, but shes legit tho. I wanna gas the car up and go looking for the old me – he was better equipped for this shit. I stopped dumbing it down and simplifying for people and it became SO much harder to freely speak my mind. Most people have the attention span of fleas tho, so when I really speak my mind, id lose them wayyyy before the point. Smh. Full of lose.

Know whats fucked up tho… itd probably make MORE sense in MY head if she quit fucking with me like that – but it doesn’t seem like she will. Why? Scorpios are deadly loyal so they say, is it that? Am I really that captivating and charming? I usually think im boring actually. I have ULTIMATE self-confidence actually – cuz I DO know my faults just as well as my strengths, that’s when you can really be sure of yourself. THAT might be why geniuses gravitate to drugs – they slow the world down. My smoker career ended early – feeling of being high wasn’t for me. Alcohol is my only vice, but I rarely get really really drunk – high tolerance ftw. Only it still doesn’t stop the gears from turning, I only express them more. No win. If I read this shit after, ill never post it, I can only imagine how its gonna look to whoever actually reads it. Anybody crazy enough to get it? We’ll see.

That shit I found out yesterday? Bananas. If I paid enough attention, woulda got it tho. Probably not the only one going either. Eh =/.

Holidays.smh. if you cant spend the holidays the way youd perfectly want to in your head, they suck. Ill enjoy it thru my nephew, but still… 2010 is only a lil minute away, my two resolutions? Im gonna keep/maintain contact with ppl I care about, I suck at that, but its probably time to work on it. Second, im gonna try to stop worrying about shit I cant control. Very difficult, a loss of control is the worst. Not knowing is a bitch. A dirty one at that. The 4 Rounds might actually be together for Christmas tho, if lil homie gets out and big bro comes thru. Thatll be dope. Big bro is really the only one who understands this whole situation, we kinda started dealing with it at the same time. John mayer “assassin’ – another one that says a lot to my mindstate. Song reminds me of mr. and mrs. Smith, the movie, but the lyrics hit a note. She’s an assassin too – and probably a better one. Bad for me. The person who cares less is in control = Myron loses. Stupid ass f-word. Think shell read this? Maybe. Then not say shit – shes a closed book. Really.

That helped some. For now. Maybe ill sleep, if not. More writing to come. B.o.B. "Nothin' On You" - i wont even start.

~~3:26am~~

Right.... NOW....

2009-11-25T02:54:00.003-06:00

You know, sometimes, Twitter IS good for something besides perversion and stalking your favorite celebrity. The tweets you see above come courtesy of Ms. @alexisbelon (follow her, btw), and immediately struck a chord with me for some reason.

It makes sense though; I don’t really believe that I’m the only one who should be taking heed to that advice. The way relationships are now, or the single world in general, as soon as one finds someone WORTH keeping around, he or she starts to think long term instead of staying in the moment.

Once people have reached the age where the superficial “relationship” no longer is cutting it, the short-term fling, summer romance thing just isn’t as appealing. Time becomes more of a commodity, not to be wasted. You get so caught up in that infatuation and, eventually love, that you dream of the future – whatever your individual vision of a couples’ future may be. You forget to live in the moment; you neglect to let that significant other know that “I love you RIGHT NOW. Regardless of what the future holds - you will never be more beautiful to me than you are this very second.”

It’s like a game of chess – sometimes you’re so concerned with being 5 moves ahead, that you forget about the move you’re making NOW, and all of a sudden, you’ve lost a pawn, a knight, even the queen in some cases. Sometimes checkmate is at ONE move, yet you’re 4 EXTRA moves ahead in your mind. Slow down.

.... Carpe Diem....

Just a thought....

2009-11-02T19:17:00.001-06:00

Lloyd "She's Holding Out" - Listen/Download Here

Was a part of me, that was tripping cuz she didn’t call me right back

The other part of me, knew the difference was I could fall in love

With the girl who, took the games and the rules of what I might do

Guess I managed to, let her in way too much

(Bridge)
She’s gangsta to me, the girl has style
Her love, just keeps on driving me wild
She’s gangsta to me, and I know that I’ve got, it rough
Cuz she don’t give me enough

(Chorus)
Just a little bit
she knows
just a little bit
I want her
She’s holding out, just don’t give me enough
Just a little bit
she knows
just a little bit
I need her
She’s holding out, she don’t give me enough

I know times when, she will make me feel I’m not number one

Cuz she don’t wanna let, me know that I’m the one in control

But she gives me, enough to make me want her again

That’s why when I’m with, my boys I have to hear them say

Bridge

Chorus (2X)

Bridge

Chorus

Trust the Ear, #1....

2009-10-26T21:04:00.004-05:00

“…whenever someone tells me that they are a musician of some sort, I’m already prepared to hate whatever it is that they do. I’m rarely wrong...”

Wise words from a decent man. The music business – specifically hip-hop – is so flooded with bullshit, and “rappers” looking at it is a quick hustle, that it’s hard to NOT feel skeptical whenever someone claims to be an “artist”. EVERY wannabe artist claims that he has the “next hit” or he’s just needing the right person or persons to hear his music for him to be the next dude “on”. Yeah. Right. There’s only so many ways to tell the same story, and if YOU can’t tell it in a method more clever than the NEXT guy, then you’re wasting YOUR time AND the time of the people you harass outside the mall, in the barbershop, etc. “Get a job, DHL, FedEx, UPS is hiring!” – Killer Mike

So, I’m on Twitter today (@Aftashok – if you’re on and not already following me – you SHOULD), and the homie @Hollywood_Trey posted the words that I used to open this blog with, and then proceeded to mention that he had subsequently been pleasantly surprised by a mixtape that he had been given, entitled “The Relationship” by rapper @IcetheVillain, available as a free download HERE. Normally i would be skeptical of such a claim, but seeing the passion Trey seemed to have in praising the tape, and seeing as how I’d been disappointed by most recent music, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to take a chance and give the tape a listen. I couldn’t have done my ears a better favor. The mixtape is one of the better-constructed pieces of work that I can say I’ve heard this year; I’d rank it just maybe a notch below the best mixtapes I’ve heard, i.e. So Far Gone, The Warm Up, Reservoir Dogs, Back To the Feature, etc. It HAS to be something if I'm actually moved to write about it correct?

“The Relationship” is a concept. It’s not to be listened to and dissected on a track-by-track basis; a listener must digest the entire body of work as one. It’s the story of a relationship: from the first approach, conversation, and exchange, to the “infatuation/honeymoon” stage, to the jealousy/insecurity phase, to the actual bad breakup, to the final acceptance and moving on stage. Ice lyrically drives along he actual story and concept moves fluidly, while the beats (all helmed by the producer LCD, also known as @BoutDatMoney) compliment the delicate and complex emotions found in each stage of the relationship, from the braggadocio/club candor feel of “So Official” to the soft, tender romanticism of “Softest Place” onto the paranoia and mystery behind “Voicemail” to confrontation in “Lies” and then a back-to-the-drawing-board, restarting the process feel of “Final Words”. All of the complex emotions found in the time period of a relationship leading to a breakup are found at the appropriate times: initial attraction, curiosity, attraction, lust, the “maybe this is love?”, then the acceptance of love, to the insecurity, jealousy, suspicion, enlightenment, anger, sadness, and the final stages of acceptance and moving forward.

The lyricism is at a high-level on the tape also; everything is pretty cut-and-dried, stripped to the bone, raw emotion, save for the metaphorical “Rebound”, which pulls off its own separate theme, driven by the basketball-bounce beat, yet also remains within the concept of the full body of work. There’s wit and punchlines sprinkled throughout also, but not to the point that one becomes distracted from the purpose of the songs and the tape itself. The only misstep, in my opinion, would be the aforementioned “Rebound”. Although the theme of the song does mesh with the overall theme of the project, the song just doesn’t quite sit well with me; the basketballs bouncing in the instrumental are more disorienting than anything. I could possibly maybe complain about some of the choruses, but i believe I would just be nitpicking at that point. It’s honestly refreshing to hear a full project from a rapper who was previously unknown to me and only have said minor disagreements with certain components of the full body. I’ll definitely be on the lookout for more material from Ice the Villain in the future.

Ice the Villain can be found on Twitter and at http://www.icethevillain.com . He can be reached by email HERE for songwriting or other inquiries. The producer who helmed “The Relationship” is LCD aka Bout Dat Money who can be reached on Twitter also, or at http://www.boutdatblog.com . He can be reached by email HERE for production/mixing inquiries.

Don't ask permission, just ask forgiveness....

2009-08-28T00:43:00.004-05:00

FAIR WARNING: This blog will quite possibly be confusing for some, but entirely enlightening for others; that's why they have a Comments section *hint* ......

I'm a thinker. A deep thinker. An overthinker, even. I'm very rarely the person who just acts, who just. DOES. Every word uttered from my mouth, every action i take, is calculated, risk and rewards are both accounted for before anything gets said or done when it comes to Myron. This attitude or methodology of mine has served me well over the years, whether in academics or athletics. even socially. It pays to think about the shit you say before you say it. Or think before you act. Led to a pretty good GPA in HS. Also made me a good many friends and junior high/high school "relationships", because i was able to NOT offend people before they realized how much they actually liked me. For the most part, all of those things still apply to this day.

But then came along that L-word, and that ADULT R-word.

Love. Relationships. ugh.

Rational logical thoughts belong NOWHERE near those things usually. Love is a gamble ON TOP of a gamble. In all honesty, in a relationship with another person, you're NEVER REALLY sure about ANYTHING. (jaded, Myron, jaded....... i know). But there are no certainties in life besides death, so it can only apply to anything that happens in life, correct? And when you factor in that you are being considerate of ANOTHER'S thoughts and feelings, where can you really find headspace to be 100% on ANYTHING you don't know or feel on your own?

Thinking too much usually leaves you on the outside looking in when it comes to such things as that L-word and that R-word. You're no longer actually thinking for yourself, you're basically thinking and acting for two, so it becomes "selfish" to think about what you'll do or say instead of just doing or saying it and letting the chips fall where they may.

As Drake (yeah, Drake, damn you, i enjoy his music) says on his song "The Calm," "don't ask permission, just ask forgiveness".......

DO.... and THEN deal with the consequences. Guess it should be my new way of thinking, but i'll think of doing it before i can fully commit to doing it.

Repetition....

2009-08-06T01:43:00.004-05:00

Repetition. You keep doing the same thing, you get the same results. Gameplan gotta change, starting ASAP. That is all -fin-

Instincts....and Inevitability....

2009-08-04T22:52:00.005-05:00

Instincts. trust them. they are usually an incarnation of your brain telling u ur heart is fucking dumb and not to listen to it. it's usually right. every now and again, you slip up, and you override them, ignore them, say they're wrong..... they're not. they are just usually smarter than you for the time being. until finally...... they show you that you were wrong, they were right. yet again. trust them. YOU will very rarely lead YOU wrong.

The term tragic inevitability is used mostly in literature. it's when you KNOW something is gonna happen that you DON'T want to happen, but again, you KNOW it's gonna happen, and all you can do is. wait. the sands sift through to the bottom of that hourglass, the seconds tick off that clock. you know its coming. brace yourself. its like when you've had all of your pieces eliminated except the King, and the opponent with the unseen hands. he chases you. your move. check. your move. check. retreat. its pointless. back into a corner and hope the impact doesn't take you through the wall.

instincts.......... and inevitability. TRAGIC inevitability.

Sorry, but I'm a man too....

2009-07-27T22:00:00.006-05:00

Well first off, an introduction....

hi, i'm Myron...i kinda have a dislike for capitalization, unless its EMPHASIS capitalization of a particular word, so yeah..... im also very fond of ellipses... extremely random, which hopefully makes readers' time in my headspace enjoyable.... i used to write a lot & share, then i became more introverted with shit, and DIDN'T (see) share, and now im back to sharing! Dunno how often i'll update, but thats what they have subscription buttons and bookmarks for, correct?

There, i did it....

get to the point, you say? fine..... i think im a really easy person to talk to. im a really good listener, i sugarcoat and sweettalk as LITTLE as possible, and im always gonna be honest with you, regardless. easy to talk to, no? here's the thing though: i have female friends, plenty of them, and they tend to ask me questions about the male psyche and the Ws of why we do the things we do...... sorry, but i'm a man too! i can't give you ALL the secrets away (though i will pass a lil game down from time to time when a female just looking TOO foolish), and i also just plain NOT explain some things to you, cuz shit, i don't know myself, because if i did, then i probably wouldnt be doing some of those same things......(not all)

a friend hit me a lil while ago, like "men r mean".....she went on to say that we "cant make up our minds, want to have our cake and eat it too, and we play games like the ladies will sit and wait on us" to get our minds right..... what was i supposed to say to that? shit, ive been guilty of the same thing! ive been torn between the wifey type and the freak who i cant see anything beyond sex with, so i keep wifey here while i let the freak entertain me..... not on that ANYMORE, i'm actually quite happy with the space i'm in with ONE female now, but still..... i been there, i did that.... do i KNOW why? nah, i have an idea, but thats it.... i NOW know better than jeopardize longevity for some bullshit, but hey, not everyone grows up as fast as i do!

All i'm sayin.... keep that in consideration when u asking that dude for advice (unless he's gay maybe)....u cant take EVERYTHING he says @ face value, cuz 1.) he cant break Man Protocol, and 2.) he just might not know any better himself !