Sleep’s nowhere near…. My head is spinning right now, I don’t even know why. “soothing” playlist going right now. Alicia keys ‘unthinkable’… song gives me that feeling in the gut, I know those words, the emotion, yeah. Who the HELL is gonna wanna read this? Better out than in tho, if I laid here thinking, id never sleep.
Know whats fucked up tho… itd probably make MORE sense in MY head if she quit fucking with me like that – but it doesn’t seem like she will. Why? Scorpios are deadly loyal so they say, is it that? Am I really that captivating and charming? I usually think im boring actually. I have ULTIMATE self-confidence actually – cuz I DO know my faults just as well as my strengths, that’s when you can really be sure of yourself. THAT might be why geniuses gravitate to drugs – they slow the world down. My smoker career ended early – feeling of being high wasn’t for me. Alcohol is my only vice, but I rarely get really really drunk – high tolerance ftw. Only it still doesn’t stop the gears from turning, I only express them more. No win. If I read this shit after, ill never post it, I can only imagine how its gonna look to whoever actually reads it. Anybody crazy enough to get it? We’ll see.
That shit I found out yesterday? Bananas. If I paid enough attention, woulda got it tho. Probably not the only one going either. Eh =/.
Holidays.smh. if you cant spend the holidays the way youd perfectly want to in your head, they suck. Ill enjoy it thru my nephew, but still… 2010 is only a lil minute away, my two resolutions? Im gonna keep/maintain contact with ppl I care about, I suck at that, but its probably time to work on it. Second, im gonna try to stop worrying about shit I cant control. Very difficult, a loss of control is the worst. Not knowing is a bitch. A dirty one at that. The 4 Rounds might actually be together for Christmas tho, if lil homie gets out and big bro comes thru. Thatll be dope. Big bro is really the only one who understands this whole situation, we kinda started dealing with it at the same time. John mayer “assassin’ – another one that says a lot to my mindstate. Song reminds me of mr. and mrs. Smith, the movie, but the lyrics hit a note. She’s an assassin too – and probably a better one. Bad for me. The person who cares less is in control = Myron loses. Stupid ass f-word. Think shell read this? Maybe. Then not say shit – shes a closed book. Really.
That helped some. For now. Maybe ill sleep, if not. More writing to come. B.o.B. "Nothin' On You" - i wont even start.